In business lingo, the latest euphemism for an otherwise simple word like analyze is ‘deep dive’...for eg. – “Mr. Chatterjee can you deep dive into the marketing budget and see which heads can be scaled down for the next quarter.”
Well, Mr. Chatterjee did deep dive today...Not into any mumbo jumbo numbers on a spreadsheet but right in the middle of the Indian Ocean. What I experienced today was a learner’s dive and went down about 50 feet or so. The coral reef with all the aqua life was truly breathtaking. It almost seemed like there was an entire civilization that existed on the ocean bed which we city slickers are completely oblivious of. Species of different shapes and sizes all co-existing peacefully.
The preparation was extensive with the complete diving gear (rubber suit, oxygen cylinder) and the works. The introductory lesson made everything look simple. It definitely soothed the nerves of the asthmatic in me who has a mental block and yet wants to push the limit.
The only scary bit was when all the weight was being attached to me. A 6 kg belt with iron weights, the oxygen cylinder and the harness like Buoyancy Controlled Device. It almost felt like I was better off with the few extra kilos I have so painfully lost. Infact when I complained of the extra weight, my instructor nonchalantly asked me to breathe normally. I thought to myself with all the weight not only will I breathe normally but also shit normally...right there in my rubber suit.
Anyway once I took the dive the entire load seemed to disappear. All my physics lessons of gravitational force and relative weight were coming back to me. I remained underwater for a good 45 odd minutes and ironically had to surface because my mouth was all dry with thirst. Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink!
My New Year resolution is to do the international certification course for underwater diving within the next 2 years. Till then I have no option but to ‘deep dive’ into various business problems!
Parting thought – Today marks the 5th year of the Tsunami that wreaked havoc in this part of the world. I was standing on the beach that was one of the worst affected and was thinking to myself...if a Tsunami was to strike again, what would be safer...on the beach or underwater? Any thoughts...
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Son of a 'beach'...
Pardon the profanity...actually just a hint of profanity! As the title suggests, my love for the beach far exceeds my affinity for any other holiday destination. To me all hill stations look the same...It’s just mountains all over with pine trees and if you are lucky the peaks are snow capped! Okay, maybe I am being uncharitable but this blog is about the sea...
I guess my love for the sea can be traced back to 2 distinct events...I was born into an house that overlooked the Arabian sea and right through my formative years the sea was an integral part of my ‘vision’. The second event I can pin point would be my exhaustive preparation of the book ‘Old Man and the Sea’. We were always told this was a sure shot question in the ICSE board exams. For a student with my interest and inclination towards academics, a ‘sure shot’ question meant I had to study less! I did read the book a few years after my 10th and enjoyed it a lot more. While the moot point in the book was the old man’s passion and struggle...I simply fell in love with the sea after reading the book.
I have friends who boast of doing 100 odd laps in the swimming pool. However, the real test of strength and guile is swimming in the sea. The choppy waves, the rocky bed and an undercurrent that can make you feel helpless. An ideal day begins with a run on the beach and ends with a dip in the sea (with a ‘high’ consumption of beer in between)
I have visited some of the finest beaches in the last few years...Mykonos (Greece), Koh Samui (Thailand) and Bentota (Sri Lanka). Yet there are so many more on my checklist. Once I retire, it would probably be a good idea to write a book – ‘The Worlds Greatest Beaches’. The only problem is that by the time I retire and with the imminent threat of global warming, the hill stations will become the new beach towns!
I guess my love for the sea can be traced back to 2 distinct events...I was born into an house that overlooked the Arabian sea and right through my formative years the sea was an integral part of my ‘vision’. The second event I can pin point would be my exhaustive preparation of the book ‘Old Man and the Sea’. We were always told this was a sure shot question in the ICSE board exams. For a student with my interest and inclination towards academics, a ‘sure shot’ question meant I had to study less! I did read the book a few years after my 10th and enjoyed it a lot more. While the moot point in the book was the old man’s passion and struggle...I simply fell in love with the sea after reading the book.
I have friends who boast of doing 100 odd laps in the swimming pool. However, the real test of strength and guile is swimming in the sea. The choppy waves, the rocky bed and an undercurrent that can make you feel helpless. An ideal day begins with a run on the beach and ends with a dip in the sea (with a ‘high’ consumption of beer in between)
I have visited some of the finest beaches in the last few years...Mykonos (Greece), Koh Samui (Thailand) and Bentota (Sri Lanka). Yet there are so many more on my checklist. Once I retire, it would probably be a good idea to write a book – ‘The Worlds Greatest Beaches’. The only problem is that by the time I retire and with the imminent threat of global warming, the hill stations will become the new beach towns!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
When in Rome...
There are two ways you can experience a city...As a tourist or as a local! While most fall into the former category, there is a certain charm about the latter that words can’t do justice to...
We all fall prey to the tourist scam sometime or the other. We pay more for local transport and land up visiting sites that have a fancy name and feature in all Google searches. Yet after an arduous journey and a hefty entrance fee you really wonder why you took all the effort. Google has become the traveler’s best friend and yet the real world exists quite faraway from it (and thankfully so).
Consider this...When in Corbett, you must have been taken on a tiger trail...A dolphin spotting excursion in Goa...The similar con in Sri Lanka is crocodile spotting. Guess what...no one has seen a damn animal, yet millions join this bandwagon.
Its ditto for the food...What they serve as local cuisine is just a local name and the taste has been bastardized to suit the European palette.
The next time you visit an exotic location...ditch the sightseeing tour for a ride through the town on a bicycle, sample the local beer and go eat at a local restaurant. The waiter who serves you in the plush hotel is actually your best guide...provided you tip him well!
As they say – When in Rome, do the Romans...oops, do like the Romans!
We all fall prey to the tourist scam sometime or the other. We pay more for local transport and land up visiting sites that have a fancy name and feature in all Google searches. Yet after an arduous journey and a hefty entrance fee you really wonder why you took all the effort. Google has become the traveler’s best friend and yet the real world exists quite faraway from it (and thankfully so).
Consider this...When in Corbett, you must have been taken on a tiger trail...A dolphin spotting excursion in Goa...The similar con in Sri Lanka is crocodile spotting. Guess what...no one has seen a damn animal, yet millions join this bandwagon.
Its ditto for the food...What they serve as local cuisine is just a local name and the taste has been bastardized to suit the European palette.
The next time you visit an exotic location...ditch the sightseeing tour for a ride through the town on a bicycle, sample the local beer and go eat at a local restaurant. The waiter who serves you in the plush hotel is actually your best guide...provided you tip him well!
As they say – When in Rome, do the Romans...oops, do like the Romans!
Free Lunch!
There’s no such thing as a free lunch...This economic principle is a foundation stone for the upbringing of all middle class children. I was no exception...
Now imagine this...My flight ticket that was ‘purchased’ by redeeming miles was also upgraded to Business Class. This is not just a free lunch but a free gourmet offering with a spread from across 4 continents! The joy was not in traveling Business class, but getting to travel in luxury for free...
Yet even before I could get used to the reclining comfort of my seat, I was wondering whether they would also upgrade my return ticket. As they say – Give them an inch and they grab a foot.
Till then...Well begun is half done!
The post is a day late due to the dodgy wi-fi connection in the Hotel at Bentota
Now imagine this...My flight ticket that was ‘purchased’ by redeeming miles was also upgraded to Business Class. This is not just a free lunch but a free gourmet offering with a spread from across 4 continents! The joy was not in traveling Business class, but getting to travel in luxury for free...
Yet even before I could get used to the reclining comfort of my seat, I was wondering whether they would also upgrade my return ticket. As they say – Give them an inch and they grab a foot.
Till then...Well begun is half done!
The post is a day late due to the dodgy wi-fi connection in the Hotel at Bentota
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Run Baby Run!
Today, I was up at 6:30 in the morning...Surprisingly no hangover from last evening and no desire to sleep some more! The temptation was an early morning run by the sea.
There is something magical about the giant frothy waves crashing into the rocks. The scenic promenade stretch, sea spray on my face and some classic hits from Dire Straits playing on my ipod...probably pushed my limit and ran a little extra!
I might as well enjoy these moments while they last...Infact, I cringe at the thought of going back to my gym and hitting the treadmill that overlooks a damn wall!
There is something magical about the giant frothy waves crashing into the rocks. The scenic promenade stretch, sea spray on my face and some classic hits from Dire Straits playing on my ipod...probably pushed my limit and ran a little extra!
I might as well enjoy these moments while they last...Infact, I cringe at the thought of going back to my gym and hitting the treadmill that overlooks a damn wall!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Yippee!
To understand the extent of my joy – The title needs to be read with all the audio visual effects...Fist punched in the air, well timed jump, song in my heart and a rather high decibel home theatre effect...Y-I-P-P-E-E! Incorporate the trademark Ekta Kapoor style of three echoes for added effect.
Today marks the first day of my annual vacation...I have started taking the year end annual leave as my birth right just to make up for not taking any leave during my first five working years.
The vacation couldn’t have had a better debut...Got up really late, watching mindless TV, enjoying my 3rd cup of coffee after a high cholesterol breakfast (eggs, sausages and the works), refusing to get up from my over sized highly comfy bean bag...soaking the winter sun. Jannat, if there exists one!
I sit and watch Bani pack her clothes and secretly hope (make it pray!) she will pack mine too. I am convinced no suitcase is big enough for a woman. The entire range is mind boggling...everything from itsy bitsy beachwear to a fancy gown (in case the Indian ambassador to Sri Lanka invites us for the Christmas ball!) Over time I have realized you dare not question the logic. It’s a standard reply – “You never know!” Inspite of a being a debater, there is no way I can respond to this repartee...
I have a new product development idea for Samsonite and their kinds. Why not design a portable wardrobe (preferably with wheels)? I can bet Bani will buy two!
For men, packing is a much simpler affair…A pair of jeans and a few Tees. That’s it! Longer the vacation only means more undies to pack. Decision making is simply restricted to which pair of jeans – slightly loose or very loose. Just to accommodate the beer belly we will so fondly and surely come back with.
Anyway, must thank Bani for introducing me to the concept of an annual break...It’s an absolute must to recharge those rusty and fagged out batteries. Well, I had no option but to end with a kind word for my wifey to make up those nasty things I have said earlier. Otherwise she will simply refuse to help me with my packing and my 4th cup of coffee!
Today marks the first day of my annual vacation...I have started taking the year end annual leave as my birth right just to make up for not taking any leave during my first five working years.
The vacation couldn’t have had a better debut...Got up really late, watching mindless TV, enjoying my 3rd cup of coffee after a high cholesterol breakfast (eggs, sausages and the works), refusing to get up from my over sized highly comfy bean bag...soaking the winter sun. Jannat, if there exists one!
I sit and watch Bani pack her clothes and secretly hope (make it pray!) she will pack mine too. I am convinced no suitcase is big enough for a woman. The entire range is mind boggling...everything from itsy bitsy beachwear to a fancy gown (in case the Indian ambassador to Sri Lanka invites us for the Christmas ball!) Over time I have realized you dare not question the logic. It’s a standard reply – “You never know!” Inspite of a being a debater, there is no way I can respond to this repartee...
I have a new product development idea for Samsonite and their kinds. Why not design a portable wardrobe (preferably with wheels)? I can bet Bani will buy two!
For men, packing is a much simpler affair…A pair of jeans and a few Tees. That’s it! Longer the vacation only means more undies to pack. Decision making is simply restricted to which pair of jeans – slightly loose or very loose. Just to accommodate the beer belly we will so fondly and surely come back with.
Anyway, must thank Bani for introducing me to the concept of an annual break...It’s an absolute must to recharge those rusty and fagged out batteries. Well, I had no option but to end with a kind word for my wifey to make up those nasty things I have said earlier. Otherwise she will simply refuse to help me with my packing and my 4th cup of coffee!
The Most Expensive Movie...
Over the last couple of months, I watched the movies promoted as the most expensive Hollywood and Bollywood movie.
The only thing common in both the films is 'blue'...The Hollywood version has giant blue characters sprawling over an earth like planet called Pandora while the Bollywood version was simply titled ‘Blue’ (how innovative!)
That is where the similarity ends. The big difference is that Avatar started with a big idea and the budget followed. Blue on the other hand started with a big budget and some random ideas put together to spend all that money. Consider some of these – item number by Kylie Minogue, guest appearance by Katrina Kaif, etc. All in all, it was a suspense thriller without any suspense and it completely failed to thrill. The movie was a complete dud and the P&L statement was red all over. I guess this also means not all “blue films” make money! Couldn’t resist this one...
Back to Avatar – It was a complete visual delight especially if you experience it on the 3D format. Though it is a bit unnerving to enter a movie hall and be welcomed by everyone wearing dark glasses. Almost felt like the conjunctivitis epidemic had struck India.
While the name of the movie is debatable on whether the western audiences will understand it, there is probably an enigma surrounding it which will create adequate buzz. It could also be Hollywood’s way of getting back at us. If we can make movies like Wanted, Run, Love Story 2050 and ‘Blue’ without a single word of English in it...Why cant they name a movie Avatar without a single Sanskrit or Hindi word in it?
It is always about the big idea, honey and Bollywood still has a lot to learn. In today’s day and age there is no scarcity of capital (inspite of the recession), but there sure is a dearth of good ideas. To quote Victor Hugo – “You can resist an invading army; you cannot resist an idea whose time has come.”
In my mind Avatar might be the most expensive movie, but it is definitely the most expansive film ever made. James Cameron is a genius – What an idea, Sirji!
The only thing common in both the films is 'blue'...The Hollywood version has giant blue characters sprawling over an earth like planet called Pandora while the Bollywood version was simply titled ‘Blue’ (how innovative!)
That is where the similarity ends. The big difference is that Avatar started with a big idea and the budget followed. Blue on the other hand started with a big budget and some random ideas put together to spend all that money. Consider some of these – item number by Kylie Minogue, guest appearance by Katrina Kaif, etc. All in all, it was a suspense thriller without any suspense and it completely failed to thrill. The movie was a complete dud and the P&L statement was red all over. I guess this also means not all “blue films” make money! Couldn’t resist this one...
Back to Avatar – It was a complete visual delight especially if you experience it on the 3D format. Though it is a bit unnerving to enter a movie hall and be welcomed by everyone wearing dark glasses. Almost felt like the conjunctivitis epidemic had struck India.
While the name of the movie is debatable on whether the western audiences will understand it, there is probably an enigma surrounding it which will create adequate buzz. It could also be Hollywood’s way of getting back at us. If we can make movies like Wanted, Run, Love Story 2050 and ‘Blue’ without a single word of English in it...Why cant they name a movie Avatar without a single Sanskrit or Hindi word in it?
It is always about the big idea, honey and Bollywood still has a lot to learn. In today’s day and age there is no scarcity of capital (inspite of the recession), but there sure is a dearth of good ideas. To quote Victor Hugo – “You can resist an invading army; you cannot resist an idea whose time has come.”
In my mind Avatar might be the most expensive movie, but it is definitely the most expansive film ever made. James Cameron is a genius – What an idea, Sirji!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Performance Pressure!
Whether it’s Sachin Tendulkar in the middle of a cricket pitch or Tiger Woods in the middle of the night with a cocktail waitress...There is just one universal feeling that plagues one and all – Performance Pressure! I seem to be facing similar pangs with my blog. Every morning I wake up worrying what I will pen down today and retire for the day feeling like a complete loser for not being able to string together 200 odd words and a few random thoughts. Shame on myself!
It is indeed ironic that I started the practice of putting pen to paper (actually finger to keyboard) as a stress buster and today it’s causing more stress than what I was already burdened with. The exact same thing happens during a supposed ‘relaxing’ annual vacation. Every holiday is the same story...Wake up early...it’s a pillar to post chase so you don’t miss a single tourist attraction. Post sunset its hopping from nightspot to the other, lest you miss out some wild parties. At the end of the break one returns jaded with a terrible hangover and the only thing you would have missed out on is the much needed (and sometimes deserved) rest!
I am convinced it’s a guy thing. I guess the Olympic spirit of participation for the sheer joy is not part of our DNA. We can convert everything into a competitive sport...even the most leisurely hobby!
It is indeed ironic that I started the practice of putting pen to paper (actually finger to keyboard) as a stress buster and today it’s causing more stress than what I was already burdened with. The exact same thing happens during a supposed ‘relaxing’ annual vacation. Every holiday is the same story...Wake up early...it’s a pillar to post chase so you don’t miss a single tourist attraction. Post sunset its hopping from nightspot to the other, lest you miss out some wild parties. At the end of the break one returns jaded with a terrible hangover and the only thing you would have missed out on is the much needed (and sometimes deserved) rest!
I am convinced it’s a guy thing. I guess the Olympic spirit of participation for the sheer joy is not part of our DNA. We can convert everything into a competitive sport...even the most leisurely hobby!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Racket Singh – Con Man of the Year
Watched a rather interesting movie over the weekend...Rocket Singh - Salesman of the Year. While the movie wasn’t as riveting as expected from a director of Shimit Amin’s ability, it definitely had its heart in the right place. It’s refreshing to see contemporary movies revolving around real people with a ‘slice of life’ treatment as opposed to the larger than life song and dance extravaganzas. However if you happen to attend a Punjabi wedding in Delhi, you will realize that even the Karan Johar - Sooraj Barjatya type movies are very real!
It was rather bold to make a popular flick where the protagonist is a Sardar salesman. In most movies the protagonist’s goofy friend is usually a sardar or the odd salesman. You put the two together and David Dhawan can have a field day. Yet here the protagonist was real and you will find shades of your best friend, B School batchmate or maybe even yourself in him.
Enough of the movie...Consider this...Everyone comes across a million salesmen...Yet this tribe is one of the most hated. Maybe it’s because they are too pushy, they talk more - listen less and more often than not trying to palm of a real lemon to an unsuspecting soul. My early encounter with the sales folks happened when hyper irritated women would go from door to door selling “ladies products”. I was often curious as to what these products were...Today the door to door breed has been replaced with the phone to phone kind. I can bet my bottom dollar that when you were about to start something important...your phone would buzz and you will hear - “Saaar, this is Rajeeeev from Kotaaak Life Insurance...Do you want insurance!”
It’s probably the sheer magnitude of such non-descript losers that give the sales guys a bad name. Yet when you look at Corporate India through close quarters you realize that the new age sales guy has taken a quick course in evolution. The loser types have been replaced by the schmoozer types! They are smart, witty, well dressed...Yet the Racket Singhs and their ilk have one insurmountable problem – Trust! It is next to impossible for a salesman to gain consumer confidence inspite of his smooth talking abilities. We all look at them with so much suspicion. Not sure if this is because profit (‘dhanda’ in his parlance) is the only motive for the sales guy or is it that the consumers have become far smarter and realize it’s a buyers market and no longer a sellers one!
However beyond one’s job description – The fact of the matter is that we all are a salesman in some form or the other. A subordinate is trying to sell his capability to his boss, the boss is trying to sell an impossible deadline to his team, parents are trying to sell their lofty ambitions to their kid, a man trying to sell his dreams to the girl he loves, a lawyer trying to sell his argument to the judge, the doctor is trying to sell a more expensive treatment, the ad agency is trying to sell their campaign idea to their client and each on of us is probably ready to sell our soul to climb the corporate ladder – one rung at a time. The list of transactions is endless...
Whether we like it or not...There does exist a Racket Singh...oops, Rocket Singh in each one of us...Trying to con someone and sell something (and I hope the two are mutually exclusive)...Happy Selling!
It was rather bold to make a popular flick where the protagonist is a Sardar salesman. In most movies the protagonist’s goofy friend is usually a sardar or the odd salesman. You put the two together and David Dhawan can have a field day. Yet here the protagonist was real and you will find shades of your best friend, B School batchmate or maybe even yourself in him.
Enough of the movie...Consider this...Everyone comes across a million salesmen...Yet this tribe is one of the most hated. Maybe it’s because they are too pushy, they talk more - listen less and more often than not trying to palm of a real lemon to an unsuspecting soul. My early encounter with the sales folks happened when hyper irritated women would go from door to door selling “ladies products”. I was often curious as to what these products were...Today the door to door breed has been replaced with the phone to phone kind. I can bet my bottom dollar that when you were about to start something important...your phone would buzz and you will hear - “Saaar, this is Rajeeeev from Kotaaak Life Insurance...Do you want insurance!”
It’s probably the sheer magnitude of such non-descript losers that give the sales guys a bad name. Yet when you look at Corporate India through close quarters you realize that the new age sales guy has taken a quick course in evolution. The loser types have been replaced by the schmoozer types! They are smart, witty, well dressed...Yet the Racket Singhs and their ilk have one insurmountable problem – Trust! It is next to impossible for a salesman to gain consumer confidence inspite of his smooth talking abilities. We all look at them with so much suspicion. Not sure if this is because profit (‘dhanda’ in his parlance) is the only motive for the sales guy or is it that the consumers have become far smarter and realize it’s a buyers market and no longer a sellers one!
However beyond one’s job description – The fact of the matter is that we all are a salesman in some form or the other. A subordinate is trying to sell his capability to his boss, the boss is trying to sell an impossible deadline to his team, parents are trying to sell their lofty ambitions to their kid, a man trying to sell his dreams to the girl he loves, a lawyer trying to sell his argument to the judge, the doctor is trying to sell a more expensive treatment, the ad agency is trying to sell their campaign idea to their client and each on of us is probably ready to sell our soul to climb the corporate ladder – one rung at a time. The list of transactions is endless...
Whether we like it or not...There does exist a Racket Singh...oops, Rocket Singh in each one of us...Trying to con someone and sell something (and I hope the two are mutually exclusive)...Happy Selling!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
'Con' Call!
The best thing about my job is that I can stroll into office at a convenient time. I attach a significant premium to this luxury and even willing to overlook the fact that I have to often work till the wee hours. Though my wife considers my working late a greater luxury (for her)!
With this background – Imagine what I feel if I have to come into office early. Words fail to capture the extent of my irritation. My agony further increases if I have to attend an early morning breakfast meeting before office. The concept of eating and meeting is paradoxical. I can either devour my double egg omelette with extra cheese, ham and bacon or I can discuss business. Mixing the two is like a really bad cocktail...
Anyway, with all the brouhaha on travel cuts due to the slowdown, technology has been quick to come up with a new irritant...it’s called a con call!
With the entire exaggerated introduction I’m sure all of you know where this is heading...I had a cross country (make it cross continent) con call scheduled at 8 AM. Well perfectly reasonable for someone who gets up at 7:30? Guess Mr. Murphy doesn’t think so...Let me cut to the chase...woke up late (with the phone ringing). The maid didn’t come so no morning coffee and the laptop would refuse to switch on. Maybe it has something to do with the extended late night session of downloading a John Lennon documentary.
Nonetheless – Here I was phone in one hand and completely ill prepared for this call on the other. This was when I decided to put everything I learnt during my halcyon MBA days to good use. When in doubt...Bullshit!
So I started the conversation with my American colleague with the clichéd introduction...Good Evening to you...But Good Morning for me etc etc...Wonder when the time difference jokes will get stale? We then moved onto discussing more serious issues like Obama’s Af Pak policy and Tiger and his 'babe' in the Woods! Now that we were warmed up to discuss business an endless stream of people kept pouring into the call...Joe – Head of Strategy, Martha – Head of Sales, Bob – Head of Business Development, Sam, Pedro, John all head of something or the other. I was tempted to ask if their Head of Housekeeping could also join and help me with my coffee (remember the maid didn’t turn up!)
All of them started introducing themselves and their role...one by one. If there ever was a feeling of being outnumbered, this was it! This was the moment of reckoning. I decided I was going to have some fun. Some real “boyish” fun...I maybe outnumbered but I refuse to be outwitted. I decided every sentence of mine has to be a question...Negative marks if I fail...
Soon I realized converting simple sentences into a question is easy...just add a why, when, how in some form and your job is done (Thank God for Wren and Martin!)
It was time to raise the bar. The new challenge was to ask a question with a name of a book incorporated in it. What started as harmless excitement was now turning into wicked fun. Consider some of these
- Would you say this product concept has reached ‘tipping point’?
- Maybe more demand will be generated through the ‘long tail’ concept?
- We are yet to discuss how to scale up the product from ‘good to great’?
- Its early morning but I’m ok...Are you sure you’re ok? (Fine, the name is split into two)
- My absolute favourite - Are you saying – ‘Tough times don’t last but tough people do’?
By the end of it I could hardly keep a straight face. I’m pretty darn sure Bob, Joe and their tribe understood out what was going on. But, I finally figured why this simple telephonic conversation had a fancy name like “con” call!
I just hope Alexander Graham Bell is not turning in his grave...
With this background – Imagine what I feel if I have to come into office early. Words fail to capture the extent of my irritation. My agony further increases if I have to attend an early morning breakfast meeting before office. The concept of eating and meeting is paradoxical. I can either devour my double egg omelette with extra cheese, ham and bacon or I can discuss business. Mixing the two is like a really bad cocktail...
Anyway, with all the brouhaha on travel cuts due to the slowdown, technology has been quick to come up with a new irritant...it’s called a con call!
With the entire exaggerated introduction I’m sure all of you know where this is heading...I had a cross country (make it cross continent) con call scheduled at 8 AM. Well perfectly reasonable for someone who gets up at 7:30? Guess Mr. Murphy doesn’t think so...Let me cut to the chase...woke up late (with the phone ringing). The maid didn’t come so no morning coffee and the laptop would refuse to switch on. Maybe it has something to do with the extended late night session of downloading a John Lennon documentary.
Nonetheless – Here I was phone in one hand and completely ill prepared for this call on the other. This was when I decided to put everything I learnt during my halcyon MBA days to good use. When in doubt...Bullshit!
So I started the conversation with my American colleague with the clichéd introduction...Good Evening to you...But Good Morning for me etc etc...Wonder when the time difference jokes will get stale? We then moved onto discussing more serious issues like Obama’s Af Pak policy and Tiger and his 'babe' in the Woods! Now that we were warmed up to discuss business an endless stream of people kept pouring into the call...Joe – Head of Strategy, Martha – Head of Sales, Bob – Head of Business Development, Sam, Pedro, John all head of something or the other. I was tempted to ask if their Head of Housekeeping could also join and help me with my coffee (remember the maid didn’t turn up!)
All of them started introducing themselves and their role...one by one. If there ever was a feeling of being outnumbered, this was it! This was the moment of reckoning. I decided I was going to have some fun. Some real “boyish” fun...I maybe outnumbered but I refuse to be outwitted. I decided every sentence of mine has to be a question...Negative marks if I fail...
Soon I realized converting simple sentences into a question is easy...just add a why, when, how in some form and your job is done (Thank God for Wren and Martin!)
It was time to raise the bar. The new challenge was to ask a question with a name of a book incorporated in it. What started as harmless excitement was now turning into wicked fun. Consider some of these
- Would you say this product concept has reached ‘tipping point’?
- Maybe more demand will be generated through the ‘long tail’ concept?
- We are yet to discuss how to scale up the product from ‘good to great’?
- Its early morning but I’m ok...Are you sure you’re ok? (Fine, the name is split into two)
- My absolute favourite - Are you saying – ‘Tough times don’t last but tough people do’?
By the end of it I could hardly keep a straight face. I’m pretty darn sure Bob, Joe and their tribe understood out what was going on. But, I finally figured why this simple telephonic conversation had a fancy name like “con” call!
I just hope Alexander Graham Bell is not turning in his grave...
Samara - Our Darling Angel
Open your eyes little angel,
And take a good look around,
The joy you bring to us,
Is beyond all measure and bound
Welcome to the family,
You are one of us now,
To share all our moments with,
The feeling – indeed, wow!
The bond gets deeper and stronger,
With the arrival of our darling princess,
May you smile our troubles away,
And fill us with hope and happiness,
You will grow up to be successful,
And face the world standing tall,
For you are protected by God,
And loved by one and all
The poem is over, Samara,
Hope it wasn’t too much of a bore,
Your name means oh so much,
But in our lives you will mean much more
Wrote this for my niece Samara when she was born. Hope this doesnt distort her world view towards poetry in general! Dont worry Samara...I will hopefully get better with time!
And take a good look around,
The joy you bring to us,
Is beyond all measure and bound
Welcome to the family,
You are one of us now,
To share all our moments with,
The feeling – indeed, wow!
The bond gets deeper and stronger,
With the arrival of our darling princess,
May you smile our troubles away,
And fill us with hope and happiness,
You will grow up to be successful,
And face the world standing tall,
For you are protected by God,
And loved by one and all
The poem is over, Samara,
Hope it wasn’t too much of a bore,
Your name means oh so much,
But in our lives you will mean much more
Wrote this for my niece Samara when she was born. Hope this doesnt distort her world view towards poetry in general! Dont worry Samara...I will hopefully get better with time!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
The Fun is in the Chase...
I kept pushing myself harder,
Even resorted to evil ways,
It didn’t matter how big the trophy,
Coz the fun is in the chase…
Walked a tight rope to eternity,
Trespassed every single maze,
Have come back to where I started,
Coz the fun is in the chase…
The goalpost seems to have shifted,
My dreams now just a haze,
Yet I’m running on the treadmill,
Coz the fun is in the chase…
Some said it was a ‘guy thing’,
I thought it was a passing phase,
Didn’t know where I was headed,
Just too caught up in the chase…
As I prepare for a new battle,
Into the future I want to gaze,
To be sure of what awaits me,
And not just a mindless chase!
Even resorted to evil ways,
It didn’t matter how big the trophy,
Coz the fun is in the chase…
Walked a tight rope to eternity,
Trespassed every single maze,
Have come back to where I started,
Coz the fun is in the chase…
The goalpost seems to have shifted,
My dreams now just a haze,
Yet I’m running on the treadmill,
Coz the fun is in the chase…
Some said it was a ‘guy thing’,
I thought it was a passing phase,
Didn’t know where I was headed,
Just too caught up in the chase…
As I prepare for a new battle,
Into the future I want to gaze,
To be sure of what awaits me,
And not just a mindless chase!
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